Where no idiot has gone before
1/10
Author: BJBatimdb from Cardiff, Wales
5 June 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Prometheus is the story of a trillion-dollar mission to discover the origins of human life on a distant planet. Basically, this is supposed to be the greatest exploration undertaken in the history of mankind.

So who do they send? A gaggle of fractious goons whose collective scientific nous is rivalled only by that of the Three Stooges. Within minutes of touching down (conveniently beside the only 'man-made' structures on the planet, a'la 1960s Star Trek) the 'scientists' are yanking off their helmets, on the basis of 'it seems fine to me', dipping their fingers into strange organic ooze, and lugging a severed alien head back to an unquarantined spaceship in a sandwich bag.

Once there, they speedily discover the meaning of life. Then, while one of them gets a bit drunk, his two female companions decide it would be useful to stimulate the head electrically to reanimate it. They don't say why. They give it a bit too much juice, then too little,then dither over too much or too little like a couple of schoolgirls fiddling with a dicky bunsen burner, while the most important scientific discovery in human history waggles its ears and rolls its eyes - before eventually blowing up like a frog in a microwave.

Are the scientists abashed? Is the man angry? Do they all calm down and remember they have degrees in clever things, not diplomas in macramé? Do they heck. The WHOLE MOVIE is a litany of ludicrous so-called science, schoolboy errors, and pseudo-profundity about the origin of species. Ironic really, when none of the crew would have a chance in hell in any sort of contest governed by Darwinian rules.

Crass stupidity is rampant in every department. Hi-tech helmets record every heartbeat - apparently until anything worth recording happens; stranded crewmates are abandoned to their fate in favour of a quick shag, and the spaceship door is opened to anyone who comes a-knocking. Although, after hitting the 'welcome' button, Idris Alba does do a double take and go 'Hold on a second!' but that might have just been an involuntary ad lib at his own character's baffling idiocy.

There is spectacular cinematography and effects, but not one iota of originality has been squandered on plot, subtext, tension or characters - which are as shallow as the Prometheus's muddy little gene pool. Ridley Scott is a hero of mine, but Prometheus is not the intelligent, emotionally satisfying prequel that Alien deserves. It's a derisory, empty experience - and anyone who loved Alien is surely too old and too smart to be fobbed off with something this bad just because it's shiny.

Amateur hour
4/10
Author: Jey Stone from United Kingdom
2 June 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Lindelhoffed /'LinDelHôfd/

Verb:

1 a : Similar to a "Rick Roll", when one is conned into viewing a series of moving pictures with no conclusive finale, despite the viewer investing a lot of emotion and time in the story.

b (1) : a bottom feeder (2) : to Lindelhoff, much like a cock tease, when a sexual partner brings the other to the point of climax but then bails just before reaching orgasm.

PROMETHEUS Plot holes AND IRRITATIONS ***SPOILERS***

1. The dreams sequence. David can watch Shaw's dreams. Amazingly this technology also cuts from scene to scene like a movie camera...Please. No one dreams like that.

2. How did they randomly find the temple so quick? This is an entire planet surface!

3. Why was the landing so soft and easy?

4. Why does Fifield start screaming at Shaw like that? Calm down mate..jeez..And later on with an Alien cobra he is cool as ice.

5. Why does that moron Buddy Holly scientist try and touch the cobra alien? not once....not twice...but 3 TIMES!!!

6. Why on earth would a scientist remove their helmets in a possibly infected temple? I am just a civilian and even I understand the concept of VIRUS CONTAMINATION ON AN ALIEN FRIGGIN PLANET. They then have the cheek to talk about Shaw's strict quarantine fail-safe procedures...please

7. What does this Black Goo do exactly? Accelerate worm growth? Infect crew members? Cause pregnancies? Create life? Pick one and stick to it please

8. Why does Ford straight away start giving the head electricity for kicks? Do they not have procedures? What is this fun with Frankenstein?

9. Why does the head explode?

10. Why are the medical staff so damn careless with a possibly disease ridden and bacteria infested decapitated head? I swear they didn't even wear plastic gloves.

11. How did Shaw know the Jockey was heading to Earth to destroy it? Pretty big assumption from a couple of punches thrown.

12. How does David know the Space Jockey is heading to kill Shaw on the Medical Bay?

13. How does Shaw know her baby will attack the Jockey?

14. i was really amazed that Shaw has this 'baby' but fails to mention the horrific and super extraordinary situation she had just been through. ''oh hey guys, ha ha, nearly forgot. FYI, you won't believe what just happened to me on the way here''....''i just gave birth to an alien..'' ''yeah, i know CRAZY right, considering i had sex only 10 BLOODY HRS AGO!!''

15. -The whole Vickers' Star Wars 'Father' line...

16. -The 'bet' between the co-pilots was cringe-worthy

17. HUGE ONE…How the hell does Shaw walk after abdominal surgery? If abdominal muscle is cut you can NOT walk, the muscle needs to be sewn back…But no, a few staples and she is good to go…

18. Why does the tentacle creature have tentacles from the evil Planet X?

19. Why do the space jockeys allow any old tramp to walk in an use their security systems?

20. Why does the space jockey want to kill, kill and kill…You'd think an advanced race would be a little civilised?

21. What was the point of Guy Pearce as Weyland? Why was he even there? So he just assumed this temple would contain a fountain of life…..right….I guess he 'chose to believe' too…f**k me…

Honestly there are so many more I can't even write them all…But this movie has more plot-holes than the Iraqi Navy

Ridiculous nonsense.
1/10
Author: Animal Software from United Kingdom
3 June 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS.

Synopsis: Two archaeologists find some old drawings of an alien and a star map. They "choose to believe" that the aliens created human life. So they travel to the planet identified in the drawings. When they arrive at the planet, the members of the expedition all work against each other even though they all want the same thing. Each member then repeated does really stupid things until most of them are dead. The film ends before we see the final stupid decision actually kill the last surviving members.

Nothing the characters did made any sense:

> The robot without feelings falls in love with a woman.

> The robot then risks her life because he wants to preserve the parasite inside her. Why? No reason.

> The expedition is searching for life, but the biologist wants to return to the ship when they find a 2000 year old corpse.

> The geologist also wants to return to the ship rather than look at rocks.

> The geologist then gets lost despite being in charge of the mapping device.

> The top boss pays for the expedition, but pretends he's dead and hides on the ship. Why? No reason.

> The leader of the expedition refuses to cooperate with either the robot or the archaeologists - even though they all want the same thing.

> The alien tries to kill everyone, so the surviving characters decide to go to the alien's home planet to talk to them.

Another issue that kept annoying me was the inaccurate terminology used. There was no reason for it - it was just wrong. For example, at one point the archaeologists talk about abiogenesis and the biologist weirdly starts talking about evolution. Later on, a head exploded (like in Scanners) and the scientist says "Why did that head combust?".

I don't expect screenwriters to have degrees, but they should at least look up words in the dictionary. The CGI is good and the acting would be fine if the actors had been given something worthwhile to do.But every other aspect of the film was a disappointing waste of time.1/10

Muddled, boring and lacking tension. (possible spoilers)
1/10
Author: kevinhayward from United Kingdom
1 June 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I saw this at a midnight preview and I was really looking forward to it. I'm a big fan of Alien, but I was really disappointed; this is a bloated mess.

In Alien, the creature presented an abstract threat to earth but the plot centered on the immediate, physical threat to the crew. In Prometheus, the threat is purely abstract and while SOME bad stuff happens to the characters, they are all unsympathetic so it is difficult to care. Characters are established with simplistic dialog; this is the cool black guy, this is the incautious explorer, this is the obnoxious mercenary cyberpunk (who, for no reason, is also a scientist), this is the uptight corporate type.

The scientists don't behave like scientists, they don't talk like scientists. The nerdy biologist (who has to walk off to be monster fodder later), walks away from an alien corpse because it's not his field of interest. Huh? Archeologists suddenly turn into medical experts and people exploring an alien ecosystem for the first time remove helmets without regard for contamination of the environment or themselves. Often, the only justification for character actions seems to be to set up later plot points.

Alien worked because it focused on believable characters stuck in a terrible situation, without that believability the film would be greatly lessened. Prometheus, lacking that, is uninteresting. Prometheus puts me in mind of Avatar. The use of 3D is excellent and the art direction is amazing. However, as with Avatar, technical excellence cannot make up for a terrible plot, sub-standard characterisation and meaningless dialogue.