Not a hit, so run...

Author: Tony Bush from United Kingdom
25 December 2012
 

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Loutish, unfunny and relatively tedious comedy thriller that is devoid of both comedy and thrills. You won't laugh, you won't smile and you probably will not ever be on the edge of your seat. It is relentlessly thick-eared, flat and monotone. The cast are tedious and plastic, lacking anything approaching personality and depth. The chases are bland, uninvolving and unspectacular and the plot is little more than a clichéd drone of cobbled together circumstances.

A dumb ex wheel-man in witness protection is supported by his dumb federal marshal and his dumb (though supposed to be intelligent) girlfriend. When dumb girlfriend gets a job as some sort of high-flying professor (yeah, I know, beggars belief) in LA dumb ex wheel-man decides to quit witness protection and drive her there in his tricked-out getaway car. Girlfriend's dumb ex-boyfriend rats dumb ex wheel-man out to his dumb ex partners in crime and they are on his tail to get revenge. Throw in a dumb gay traffic cop and his dumb female partner and have them all drive and cavort around on a dumb road trip to a dumb conclusion that includes a guest appearance by Beau Bridges as dumb ex wheel-man's dumb father and what you have ultimately is a movie that epitomises the concept of dumb.

Is there anything redeeming about it? Uh, no, not really. It's just...you've guessed it...dumb. Not a hit, so run.

17 out of 31 people found the following review useful:

Sit and Shun "Hit and Run!"

Author: zardoz-13 from United States
26 August 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Dax Shepard and his fiancée Kristen Bell co-star in the witless romantic comedy "Hit and Run" that Shepard wrote and co-directed with his pal George Palmer. Palmer and Shepard helmed the video short "Reunited" (2010) as well as the spoof documentary "Brother's Justice." The style of comedy that they espouse mingles dry humor with slapstick. The garrulous characters never cease making asses of themselves. This half-baked buffoonery about a goofy getaway driver in the Witness Relocation Program who shacks up with a brainiac, drop-dead gorgeous, community college professor delivers more run than hit. Nothing about this low-brow, tread-burning, crime melodrama will make you either smile or flinch. The grossest scene resembles something that Sasha Baron Cohen might have removed from one of his offensive comedies. Our hero and heroine are on the run when they check into a motel. They find a sex orgy in their room with participants who are old, fat, and ugly. This tasteless scene qualifies as so gratuitous that the MPAA probably had no choice but to slap "Hit and Run" with an R-rating for nudity. Shepard and Palmer aren't content to show this unsightly scene once but twice for maximum impact. Meantime, you'll lose count of the number of times that the F-word is uttered. The violence remains relatively mild by today's standards. A felon takes a slug in the back with a splash of blood for realism. A man is shown mercilessly slugging another. An assailant smashes our hero's nose with a golf club. Nevertheless, despite their lame-brained humor and lackluster car chases, Shepard and Palmer have assembled a first-class, straight-faced cast that contributes a modicum of hilarity to the antics. Bradley Cooper, Tom Arnold, Kristin Chenoweth, Michael Rosenbaum, and David Koechner run circles around our leads. "Hit and Run" amounts to one long, drawn-out, vehicular chase with no memorable stunts. The biggest stunt involves a dune buggy hurtling "Dukes of Hazard" style over several parked cars. Nothing about the driving will turn your knuckles white and make you gasp, but the automobiles look ultra-cool.

"Hit and Run" opens in a backwater California town named Milton with a community college. Basically, our heroine Annie Bean (Kristen Bell of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall") learns that she is about to be fired from her job as a community college professor. Happily, Annie's potty-mouthed boss, Debby (Kristin Chenoweth of "You, Again"), alerts her about an opening at UCLA where she can land her dream job as the head of a conflict-resolution department. The major drawback for our ambitious heroine is when her tattooed boyfriend, Charlie Bronson (Dax Sheppard of "When In Rome"), divulges his membership in Witness Relocation. Charlie is pretty much condemned to live an eternity in the sleepy little town of Milton because his former partners-in-crime want to track him down and terminate him with extreme prejudice. Eventually, Charlie changes his mind about Witness Protection and pulls the tarp off his jacked-up 1967 Lincoln Continental with suicide doors to usher Annie in style to Los Angeles. Annie's green-eyed, ex-boyfriend, Gil (Michael Rosenbaum of TV's "Smallville"), gets wind of Charlie's real identity and sends a message via Facebook to Charlie's number one nemesis. As it turns out, and Annie discovers later, Charlie is really Yul Perrkins. Charlie's father Clint Perrkins (Beau Bridges of "Max Payne") named him after legendary actor Yul Brynner of "The Magnificent Seven." Charlie hated the name Yul so much that he changed it to Charles Bronson. Mind you, Yul wasn't thinking about movie superstar Charles Bronson of "Death Wish" fame, but the notorious British inmate Charles Bronson who is known as the most violent man in British prisons. Naturally, Annie is appalled by these revelations. What she really isn't prepared for the gun-toting trio that come calling on them as they are about to leave for L.A. Alex Dmitri (Bradley Cooper of "The A-Team" in dreadlocks) hates Charlie because Charlie's testimony put him behind bars long enough for a Phillipino prison to rape him. Now, Alex yearns to kill Charlie as much his accomplices Neve Tatum (Joy Bryant of "Spider-Man 2") and Allen (Ryan Hansen of "Friday the 13th"). Predictably, our hero has a savior, bungling U.S. Marshal Randy Anderson (Tom Arnold of "Exit Wounds") who doesn't know where the brakes are on his car. Worse, he has to dodge the bullet that his own gun spits out at him.

"Hit and Run" contains elements of both "True Romance" and "Smokey and the Bandit." The romance between Annie and Charlie and their flight from the desperate villains recalls the predicament that the hero and heroine in "True Romance" confronted. Bradley Cooper's arch villain resembles the bad guy that Christian Slater opposed in "True Romance." The use of a series of careening car chases is the "Smokey and the Bandit" touch. Unfortunately, this low octane, pursuit potboiler conjures up little tension and delivers few thrills. Meantime, the conversations struggle to capture the spontaneous, off-the-cuff Tarantino dialogue. Instead, they wind up sounding nothing less than loquacious. You should sit and shun "Hit and Run."

14 out of 27 people found the following review useful:

Slow Painful Drag

Author: ajaymenon0 from India
4 September 2012

I tried hard to like this movie, cause I voluntarily took part in the arduous process of paying my money in hopes of this waste of celluloid to be a surprise good flick. But unfortunately, the movie drags and drags with sparse car chases. What fails here ?

1. Conversations to bore you to death:

Tarantino had the knack of putting in random conversations to build up to the scene which concludes a chapter in tightly packed script. Kevin Smith did that with his movies by riding along the movies with an engrossing topic of a conversation. This movie tries that. Fails miserably. Tries again...goes to over the top levels of face palm. Why? At some point it seemed like the actors were just asked to talk without a script. It was really painful.

2. Car Chase? Well thats it! :

There were probably two car chases in the movie which lacked every thing which a car chase should be. Plus the shaky cam thing is going way too far. Personally the whole car chases standards have been pushed way up by 'The French Connection' and 'Ronin'. Even 'Gone in 60 seconds' had some moments. This one fails to generate any sort of impact. There are no awe filled moments at all. It was worse than watching someone play a game of need for speed.

3. Whats with Tom Arnold?

Why was he even there in the movie? He was trying to be this fumbling idiot character. But he just grows more annoying by the minute. Some parts didn't even add up to anything. What the hell was with the bowling ball. Whats with him being gay on the app. What the hell was the point ?

4. Gay jokes:

The app to get hand jobs...the whole awkward discussion about being butt f**ked. Nothing...let me repeat...none of that was even the least bit funny.

Speaking of gay jokes though...the movie did kinda mentally sodomize me.

15 out of 29 people found the following review useful:

Miss and Run-Away...

Author: forbes-glen from Ireland
1 September 2012

There is no doubt in my mind this movie was miss-titled, it should have been called miss and run away. You know how the rest of this review is going to go.

Unfortunately I probably should explain the movies "plot". I feel kind of wrong having to write it down. Dax Shepard plays Charlie, a guy who's in the witness protection programme. His girlfriend, played by Kirsten Bell has been offered a job opportunity in LA. The trouble is, whoever Charlie ratted out to the cops, are in LA. Wanting the relationship to last Charlie decides to drive his girlfriend to LA. His girlfriends ex, played by the unrecognizable Michael Rosenbaum, gets wind and being the jealous type, contacts his brother, a cop, and finds Charlies' name before he came into the witness protection programme (seemingly, it's that easy!). Her ex contacts Alex Dimitri, played by Bradley Cooper but with tinted glasses and dreadlocks, by Facebook and is set on getting revenge on Charlie, who ratted him out.

What ensues is a chase movie but with dialogue. The kind of dialogue, I assume the idea was to make the characters more intelligent and deeper than they seem, finding themselves in funny situations, like entering an elderly orgy by accident, or having a discussion about the cons of using the term "fags". For me the movie was trying to be a Tarantino movie, quirky characters having quirky conversations and ending up in quirky situations, but it all falls very flat. The first problem is none of the characters are particularly likable. Charlie is a bit of a dick and Kirsten Bells' Annie is just annoying; seriously, you'd risk your life driving to LA for her?

The dialogue is pretty pointless and unfunny. It's far from being as funny and clever as it thinks it is. And it jumps in between characters abruptly without the audience being able to get their bearings about what the hell is going on. Tom Arnold appears as Charlies' incompetent police protection. If I was an officer in the Witness Protection Programme I think I'd write a strongly worded letter to the director, who turns out to be the lead, Dax Shepard, who happens to be Kirsten Bells' boyfriend. And they produced! Really Kirsten Bell, you can do better because I was wondering what you were doing in this. The same can be said for Bradley Cooper, and how Beau Bridges and Jason Bateman got talked into cameos, I'll never know. Perhaps Kirsten Bell was asked to appear in Arrested Development and she was owed a favour.

I'm really not trying to be mean, as I like Cooper and Bell as actors, and they can produce so much more. But I really thought the movie, with a running time of 100 mins, was 100 mins too long. I was happy to walk out at any time. The cars were kind of cool, but that's the only thing I liked about the movie. And it's pretty obvious it was made on a budget, most of the action taking place in the desert, and there seemed to be a lack of extras.

I don't know why you would have any reason to watch this movie, maybe, just maybe, if you're hung over some Sunday and there is absolutely nothing to watch. Even then, I'd avoid it if I can.

7 out of 14 people found the following review useful:

HIT AND RUN sucked! Plain and simple, as that.

Author: Carycomic from Torrington, CT, USA
27 August 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

And, once again, the only reason I give such a box office mega-flop even one star is because IMDb requires it. Personally? I feel even that much is over-dignifying it!

During the first forty minutes, alone (after which, I unapologetically walked out), there were only two laughs provided. Both times, by Tom Arnold. And, not even his (quite often under-estimated) talent could save this one from totally boring me!

Add that to the fact that he and ex-Luthor Michael Rosenbaum were the only name actors recognizable to me, and you have a bigger turkey than Ashton Kutcher's DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? and Tom Hanks' LADY KILLERS, put together.

So, take my advice, folks. Don't go see this at the movies. Don't rent it when it comes out on DVD. Don't even it down-load it from the Internet! Because, yes, it is undeniably _that bad_!!!

10 out of 20 people found the following review useful:

Just plain BAD!

Author: timrrt from Amherst, NY
31 August 2012

This is the WORST movie ever made! The plot, the script, everything about this movie is just plain bad! The total lack of direction in this movie is astounding! This movie wants and tries to be many things but sadly it is just painful to watch. Scenes drag-on for what seems like forever.

Don't waste your time or money on this awful movie. The chase scenes are hum drum and boring! The acting is sub-par at best. 15 minutes into this movie I was ready to leave but I was at the drive-in and wanted to see the second feature more than this stinker.

I don't know who gave the go-ahead to make this movie but they really should have their head examined.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:

More of a crash and burn

Author: Thomas Aitken from New Zealand
13 February 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This film would have been more accurately titled if they'd called it 'The Dax Shepherd Show', because basically it's little more than a promotional vehicle for Dax Shepherd.

It felt like it wanted to be a Coen Brothers film, but couldn't quite pull it off, so instead, for most of its duration, this film plays out like an extended episode of a TV comedy drama.

The pacing is woeful in places. One of the car chase scenes, which should be one of the high points in any film, just aimlessly carries on for no apparent reason, and then comes to a rather dull ending.

It's hard to say why it didn't come off better, because all of the right ingredients were present, perhaps a more experienced scriptwriter and director could have pulled it off? It just felt like the film makers had no clear vision, just a series of concepts that they didn't know how to tie together as a cohesive whole.

10 out of 20 people found the following review useful:

Hit and Run? Skip and Delete!

Author: the_real_smile from Netherlands
3 February 2013

This movie is about a man who's in a witness protection program and has this soft whiny girl that can get a job in LA, 4 hours from their current village. During the ride to LA they are being chased by the criminals he witnessed against.

All sounds very, very exciting, but oh boy, the movie just does not deliver and is a bore to watch. Every minute you think, "THE ACTION MUST START IN A MINUTE", but that never happens. About 98% of the screen time the man and the women are talking, boring talk I might say. The remaining 2% there are some unrealistic fights, car chases, sadly also very, very boring.

And it is such a shame, because the cast is top notch, acting is good, camera work etc., it just doesn't deliver and never, ever gets exciting.

6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:

Just Run!

Author: m_antrim1 from United States
25 August 2012

Let me say at the outset that I am a Veronica Mars devotee and that the work by Dax I've seen thus far is above par, So, I'm not a hater by any means. I've also been a fan of Bradley Cooper since he emerged on the scene as the sap with a heart on 'Alias.'

This movie was horrible. It was billed by Dax and Kristen, as a car chase, testosterone-filled, etc., movie. Here's a clue from a car guy - a 'hot Lincoln??" Really??? Why not, I don't know, a hot ANYTHING ELSE??? Not only that, the execution of the car looked ridiculous.

Kristen - you are a great character actress. You're blowing it.

As for Tom Arnold's portrayal of a U.S. Marshall with the Witness Protection Program, well, stupid, lame, and unfunny is being kind. I just hope that none of you ever need the services of the U.S. Marshalls - they are actually a pretty competent agency and the Witness Protection Program is, by no means, a dumping program for idiots. I get the whole 'suspension of disbelief' thing when it comes to the arts, but this wasn't even close.

Bradley - The white guy as a dread-locked bad guy? Really?? I hope you made a lot of money, at least. Jeesh. And learn to shoot, for Christ's sake. Pulling the trigger a lot and missing everything you're shooting at isn't, well, funny, to a large segment of the population.

So, here's the final review. I'm in the theater bathroom taking care of business when a guy several urinals down exclaims for all to hear that was the biggest waste of money he's made this week, "And I waste a lot of money on a regular basis," he added.

4 out of 12 people found the following review useful:

don't waste your time

Author: shellster1 from Canada
25 August 2012

OK,i really had high hopes for this one. the trailer made it look so great. and hey, Bradley Cooper is in it, it has to be funny right? the first forty minutes of this movie were SO bad. really bad. nothing funny intertwined with bad acting and over use of the f word. such a weak story, that i felt there was not much to look forward to. as for the last half of the movie, i can't even tell you about because i walked out of the theatre...i wanted to get a complete refund for the twelve bucks i paid, but because i had gone to the late show, there was no staff at the ticket booth when i got out there. this movie is an example of why i would like to pay AFTER i see the show. hit and run is a total dud, i bet they wont even make their budget.