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Avoid at all cost.....

Author: headly66 from New Jersey
27 December 2009
 

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I knew I was in for a treat when I got at least 2 pee and 5 ball sack jokes in the first ten minutes of this trite excursion into dullsville. Everyone here plays exactly what you would expect of them, basically themselves in real life. This must have taken very little time to make and seems to just be a paycheck for the actors. The plot is ridiculously contrived, a couple is having troubles so to reassess their lives they want to go to a beautiful retreat but can't afford it even though they seem rich so they force their friends to go also on a weeks notice. The club is said to be so hard to get into but for some reason they offer half price for 4 couples, which makes a lot of sense. Their only black friend who seems completely out of place here (and not because he's black) has no money but who is buying a motorcycle somehow, can also go with his 20 year old love tart whom everyone has no problem with joining them even though she obviously only cares that he buys her things but agrees to go through couples counseling even though they just met.

Once on the island they are now informed they have to do what the retreat has planed for them and are again told there is a very long waiting list, but they again got a 1/2 price deal just for being them.

The next painful hour is spent creating one ridiculous scenario after another like when they all have to undress and all the other men are allowed to keep their underwear on except the guy with pants has to go naked in front of his friends wives.

This is one of the silliest pieces of junk to come along in a while.

6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:

Painfully inadequate

Author: phd_travel from United States
31 July 2010

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Vince Vaughan and Jon Favreau are not good enough to write a full length movie comedy. There just aren't enough jokes or a decent enough story to carry this movie. Most of the jokes fall flat. Not even worth a chuckle. Didn't anyone read the script first? The lewd jokes are just lewd not funny.

The cast just seems bewildered. Kristen Davis and Kristen Bell are totally wasted. The part with Carlos Ponce is pathetic.

Don't bother watching this at all - there are no redeeming features. Not even a pretty set can help. In this day and age it is amazing they can produce such low mentality stuff for audiences.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:

Awful

Author: stevenrcoon from United States
1 March 2010

This was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. If I had been watching it by myself I would have stopped watching at some point during the 2 miserable hours. There was virtually no humor, no wit and no genuine sensibility, nothing. The 5-minute long Guitar Hero scene was one of the dumbest scenes I've ever seen in a movie. The movie portrayed all the worst stereotypes, such as fat ugly men with hot wives, a trash-talking and racist Black woman - she referred to restaurant workers as "mescans", and even a idiotic Fabeo character with some kind of foreign accent. Don't waste your time on this one, no matter how desperate. A 5.5 is a gift.

4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:

Bollywood Style !

Author: drklabs from Greece
5 February 2010

This movie for sure will fill Hollywoods pockets with money , why? , because average people likes to see places on the movies that will never see in reality afar from that this movie has nothing more to gives you but only to take from your pockets and from your soul.I bet that commercial video tapes advertising luxury hotels can give you more interesting things than this film.In my opinion this is a bad commercial hotel advertisement.Don't laugh please its like the video tapes that hotels gives you for free at the reception.Bad script bad acting NOT FUNNY AT ALL !!! , you must be sure that all the actors were invited in a spa place for vacations for free and instead of paying for their vacations they shoot-ed this movie in advance for the free spa resort.The thing goes like this ah! they called us to blah blah blah resort hotel why should we pay them ? we ll shoot a film in 5 days of our vacations and all its for free and also we fill Hollywood's bosses pockets with money everybody will be happy , both actors Hollywood boss and hotels five stars boss and even the crowd. Why loosing time at vacations and not starting get money from our vacations marketing director said Lol.Also i m referring to people said that this movie makes you forget your troubles NO! This movie brings your problems and stick them in your face if you really want to forget your problems don't watch this movie.In every second trying to make you realize that your life is crap while being married then in the end it tells you "so what?" live your crappy life and be happy its enough with your shrink's time nothing is gonna change so accept it get your wife's back and stop dreaming a better life f**k you this is your life period..and if this was the target of this film "yes my life sucks" the target was pointed correctly.

5 out of 9 people found the following review useful:

Hey, It's Vince Vaughn starring as his only character...Vince Vaughn

Author: dsfresh from United States
6 May 2010

I must start my review by stating I did not finish this movie, nor did I even think to bother with the "alternate ending"; although I wish there was an "alternate movie".

I won't describe the plot for obvious spoiler purposes, but I will describe one aspect of this movie that really upset me. After 30 minutes of viewing, I noticed that the black actors in this movie were being duped. Well, maybe they were duping other black people for taking the gig.

Faizon's character was a black man who was broke, had a thing for young women, and always borrows money from Vince Vaughn. Kali's character was a woman with multiple boyfriends, money hungry, and couldn't speak proper English. Every stereotype was fulfilled with these two characters. They both had little lines in the script, and absolutely no banter with the other white actors. Matter of fact, every time they spoke, no one would respond; there would be blank stares. Of course they gave Faizon a typical catch-phrase; bang-bang. How original.

Anyways, I'm white and I can see the racism bleeding through the screen as it is so obvious. That's why this movie grabbed about 50 minutes of my time. Hopefully people will just leave this one alone.

Not to mention, the script is soulless. That's why I am so heartless.

5 out of 9 people found the following review useful:

Failed attempt at mediocrity

Author: jsorenson777 from Japan
1 May 2010

An idiotic script interpreted by illiterates.

Makes Adam Sandler look like the genius he thinks he is.

Couple's Retreat was bad in so many ways. The characters were not likable and they had no depth. The relationships were undeveloped and thus unbelievable. We were just supposed to accept them. The story was inane. The acting was unprofessional, but that may well have been because of horrid direction.

This thing fails miserably as a comedy, except for the few dramatic attempts, which were funny.

Might have been a good excuse for a bunch of people to go off to a tropical island and pretend to do work. Too bad they had audiences come out to look at the finished product, which should have never been finished, or started

13 out of 25 people found the following review useful:

Forget it!

Author: ltsc3105 from United States
1 November 2009

After paying to see this turkey, it became obvious why Vince Vaughn is both the writer and producer - he couldn't find anyone willing to invest his/her money. As for being the writer, most 6th graders could have done as well. I thought perhaps that Jason Bateman could rescue the film, as he has been in some good movies recently, but he proved to be the most unlikeable obnoxious character I have seen in months. My wife and I go to the movies about 3-4 times a month, so I guess it was time for a loser to appear.

The only characters with any redeeming value were the women, with the exception of the 20-year old ditz with a voice like Woody Woodpecker. She was at this retreat with a guy twice her age so he must have been wealthy or had some unseen attribute.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:

Awful and big disappointment

Author: Andreas D from Croatia
5 April 2010

This movie attracted me because of its nice trailer but in cinema I was disappointed . This is the worst movie which I paid for watching . There are so many amateur scenes and movie is looking frivolous .There are so boring dialogues and there are many silly scenes . This movie is looking like the worst romance comedy . Even Up in the Air is better and more intelligent . You can see so bad sense for humor . Vince Vaughn in every comedy is looking very confused . There are so annoying parts and movie is reminding on some jet-set meeting of futile actors . This is some kind of lullaby because you can fall asleep . I didn't do it because there is so loud in cinema . Is there anything funny ? Maybe children but it isn't enough to rise up my rating . I definitely don't recommending this movie because you won't like it . Maybe you'll fall asleep .

3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

horrifyingly bad film one of worst ever made

Author: hangallpoliticans from United Kingdom
5 February 2010

Hollywood should be ashamed this film got made..i thought they employed readers to sift through all the scripts they get sent and pick only the best... anyway i only slightly laughed 3 times in this 1hour 50 minutes of shite. I will never ever allow my self to sit through a film this bad again..next time im hitting the stop button as soon as i know the films crap...for this film simply don't even rent or buy it its terrible. Its so boring you may want to commit suicide its that bad..how its classified as a comedy is beyond me. Naked gun is a comedy , couples retreat is a big steaming pile of poo, its just so stupid it may only appeal to people with Iq's less than 45 and that means retards

update im sorry i lied i sat through knight and day without walking out of the cinema thats another pile of poo !

70 out of 140 people found the following review useful:

The Cast, Crew and Producers should be ashamed.

Author: (duxdudex-556-905327) from United States
15 October 2009

If your idea of Comedy consist of juvenile dirty jokes that center around masturbating and sticking your private parts into other peoples faces, then this is your kind of movie. If your idea of Entertainment is watching four narcissistic, sexually depraved adults trying to cope with married life, then this is your kind of movie. The photography and location are fantastic. Casting did a great job in booking the talent. Peter did a good job on the set. The plot could work with better writers. The story was weak and fragmented. I would recommend this movie only if you have absolutely nothing else to do on a cold rainy day and you're craving Popcorn. My rating is F+ for great scenery. The Cast, Crew and Producers should be ashamed.